As tears go by
by kirayasha aka kira
Summary: Red stilettos, arguments and dreams of spring. Love is like a rollercoaster; highs and lows, flights and falls. In one night these two lovers see it all; from painful anxiety to pleasure-filled bliss. Take a dive. Enjoy the ride, as tears go by…


As tears go by…

By kira

_For Kagura-chan… Happy bday, my friend, and many, many more to come!_

888

Suzaku stared at the shoe box Jakotsu had left behind. He had a feeling that if he opened it, he would find the pair of red stilettos he had been admiring when his friend was visiting. While they had shared everything from clothes to makeup, that particular pair of shoes were Jakotsu's and Jakotsu's alone to wear. Not that cross-dresser wore them except for roughly ten minutes in the store and another half hour at home, before they were carefully packed away and forgotten. Suzaku sighed softly, those shoes would go perfectly with the black leather mini he had on and he had the feeling Hiten would forget their stupid fight the minute he saw him.

Temptation getting the better of him, Suzaku reached for the shoe box, opening it. There on top of the shoes was a folded piece of pink paper, he recognized as belonging to an old stationery of his. The redhead set the box on his lap, and taking the note he opened it. It was a note from Jakotsu, written in English.

"_My dearest Su-chan,_

_I know how much you loved these shoes, and I wanted to give them to you as a present, but after what had happened after I bought them, I didn't want upset Hiten any more than he was. So please enjoy them now! And when Hiten's in a really good mood, get him to take your picture wearing them. I wish I could be there to see you in them, but since I can't I'll just have to make do with that!_

_Love and kisses,_

_Ja-chan"_

Suzaku giggled. It was the best surprise present he had had in a long time, that week in Vermont with Hiten included. Kicking off his pink slippers, the redhead slipped the stilettos on. He carefully stood up and took a few wobbly steps in them. They were higher than anything he normally wore, but he if he went slowly enough, he was sure it would not be long until he was used to them. Taking another few wobbly steps, Suzaku decided to see if he could make it downstairs.

While Suzaku was busy upstairs, Hiten arrived home early from work. He headed straight for the kitchen as he wanted to make a special dinner for his boyfriend as a way to beg forgiveness for the stupid fight he caused last night. He went about the kitchen, being as quiet as he could, since he assumed Suzaku was fast asleep in room as the house was dead quiet.

Once the roast was in the oven, Hiten went to the fridge to get the pint of strawberries out. Having done so, he got the cutting board and a knife, before he proceeded to cut them up for the strawberry shortcakes he planned for dessert. Lost in his own little world, Hiten never heard Suzaku come downstairs.

The redhead stood at the bottom of the stairs, breathing a sigh of relief. About half way down he thought he was going to go flying head first down the remaining stairs, but luckily he regained his balance and made it the rest of way without incident. _ Damn stupid shoes!_ he thought, _No wonder Ja-chan left them here!_ He pouted as he looked down at his feet. Suzaku glared at them before continuing on his way. He was feeling a bit hungry as he had forgotten to eat anything for lunch and the thought of snacking on those strawberry sugar wafers Hiten brought home the other day, sounded heavenly.

Tottering onwards, the redhead was about halfway there when he twisted his ankle and fell. "Stupid shoes!!" he wailed as he grabbed his sore ankle. Pulling the shoes off, Suzaku threw the offending footwear down the hall as he burst into tears. "I hate you!"

"You do?" Hiten was taken aback by the venom he heard in his normally placid lover's voice.

Suzaku looked up at Hiten. "Not you…" he blubbered, "these stupid shoes Ja-chan gave me!!"

"You're not hurt are you?"

The redhead hastily wiped away his tears as he made an attempt to get a hold of himself. But the soft, loving look of concern in his lover's eyes had him crying again. Suzaku felt like a jumble of emotions, some good some bad and he was terrified the voices in his head would start their litany of the brunet's faults again along with his own. It had taken all morning after his lover left in a huff to calm them down, and it was only the pleasant thoughts about springtime that he was able to ignore them.

"Sssh…" Hiten soothed as he knelt and gathered his precious angel in his arms. Unfortunately, that only made the redhead cried more as he clung to him. A few awkward minutes later, Hiten was on his feet, and carrying Suzaku to the living room, where he gently set him down on the sofa. "Wait here," he mentally winced at the stupidity of the statement, kissing the redhead on the forehead as he fluffed the pillows behind him. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to get a bag of frozen veggies from the fridge. They'll stop the pain and keep it from swelling." Gently picking up his angel's foot, the brunet carefully placed it on a pillow, before handing him one he grabbed off the loveseat.

Hiccupping softly, Suzaku nodded silently in reply. He watched Hiten leave the room. Left alone with his thoughts, he closed his eyes and covered his ears, refusing to listen to the annoying and often frightening conversation in his head. "Springtime…" he whispered like a mantra. "Springtime…"

Hiten returned a few minutes later to find Suzaku had stopped crying. The redhead looked so sweet and innocent, hugging the pillow for dear life, and yet, there was something incredibly sexy about it too. Suzaku's legs seemed to go on forever, before they disappeared under the little black mini he wore. Hiten wondered if that was because the skirt had ridden up a bit, exposing the redhead's thighs and the garters holding up his stockings. He sat down on the sofa, careful not to hurt his beloved any more than he was as he settled the redhead's feet on his lap and applied the improvised icepack to his injured ankle. Absent mindedly stroking Suzaku's leg, Hiten suddenly wanted make up sex. Long, drawn out, marathon make up sex, were he tenderly ravished his beautiful angel.

Trying to lose himself in thoughts of springtime, Suzaku was none-the-less aware of the effect he was having on his lover. He wished the voices in head would see that Hiten loved him, really loved him and desired him despite their fights and break up. They were together again and the redhead was determined to make it work, just like Hiten was. Sure they still fought over stupidity, but Hiten said that was "normal" and that even people who were head over heels in love with each other, still found something annoying about their lovers to fight about._ Perhaps it's good we do fight then…_ "Hiten…?" he said softly.

"Hunh?"

"I want Kotori…"

_I want to fuck your brains out…_ Hiten sighed. "Let's go get him."

"But I can't…?" A puzzled frown settled over the redhead's features.

"I'll carry you." _Maybe once we're there in your room, you'll want to make love too. _Hiten could not believe how beautiful Suzaku looked tonight. Sweet, sexy, fragile, and while he wanted to nurse him back to health, the brunet also doubted he had the self-control necessary to spend the night with him without some sort of sordid, erotic fulfillment happening.

"Okay." Suzaku winced as he moved his feet out of the way so his lover could stand up. He giggled nervously when the bag of frozen peas landed in Hiten's lap and he was pleasantly surprised when brunet said nothing as he was sure he was going to have another fight on his hands. Even the voices in his head went momentarily quiet over Hiten's non-reaction. Closing his eyes, Suzaku sighed softly as his lover gently picked him up. Setting back into his warm embrace, the redhead idly wondered if they were going to make love and if so, could he do it without hurting his ankle more than he had. He wanted to face Hiten this time and hold him close as he pounded away.

Hiten took the stairs as fast as he could while carrying his precious angel._ Please let my angel let me have my way with him…_ he thought. The last thing he wanted was to get Suzaku all nice and comfy in bed, while he went and jerked off alone in the bathroom. Not one for begging, the brunet briefly considered it anyway, since he wanted his angel in the worst way. Wanted to show him too, that despite walking out on him after promising to stay with him forever, he was ready to commit and make their relationship work no matter what. And he wanted, needed, to make sweet passionate love to Suzaku too. Hiten was craving the physical closeness of sex like an addict needed a fix.

The redhead did his best to ignore the nonstop, hateful commentary in his head that was directed at Hiten and himself. It was as if they were giving voice to his deepest fears and they threaten to send him over the edge and he clung desperately to the hope that Hiten really did love him, since they were back together again. _He has to, right? Look at how sweetly he's taking care of me… SHUT UP!! I can't hear him tell me he loves me!!_ Suzaku stiffened under the onslaught of harsh words in his head. They were a constant torment and sometimes they frightened him with their intensity._ If only Hiten knew about them and how much they hate him… would he still love me if he did?_ He whimpered at their reply.

"Sorry…" Hiten said as he gently laid his precious angel on the bed. "I didn't mean to hurt you." He sat on the bed next to him.

"It's okay," Suzaku softly replied. He closed his eyes, focusing only on the feel of his lover's touch as he removed his stockings. He lay there; limp and passive, letting his lover roll him gently from side to side as he removed the garter belt.

"This isn't working."

"Hunh?" the redhead opened his eyes as panic that his beloved was going to leave again gripped his heart.

Hiten, unaware of the fear he was causing, said, "I can't get this stupid skirt off unless you stand up. I'll help you stand and you can lean your weight fully on me."

Suzaku nodded. He watched his lover get up off the bed, and holding his hands out, the redhead smiled when his lover took them, pulling him into a seated position, before wrapping his arms around, just under the redhead's arms, gently hauling him to his feet while Suzaku held onto him. Amid their chuckles and giggles, Hiten had somehow without letting precious angel hurt himself further, manage to strip him bare. Laying back on the bed, the redhead shivered, partially from anticipation and partially from the fact that comforter felt cold beneath him. That was quickly forgotten when the brunet sat down again, and leaning over, he kissed him long and hard.

Hiten's mouth was warm and inviting and Suzaku found he tasted faintly of chocolates. Still he went through the motions of kissing him; while hating the taste and the awful mocking tone the little voices took on they as accused the brunet of deliberately eating it, knowing he felt about it._ Springtime… _he mind chanted._ Springtime…_ Suzaku focused on the pleasant imagery, calming himself, so that it was not that hard to fully give himself over to Hiten's ministrations. The soft moan that escaped his lips as the brunet tenderly kissed his way down Suzaku's neck and collar bone was genuine.

Briefly pausing to look up at his precious angel, Hiten slid just far enough down his lover's body so that he could mouth the redhead's left nipple. He sucked and nipped the tender nub of flesh, feeling it harden under his touch. He rolled his tongue across it, enjoying the soft moans and the way his precious wriggled beneath him. Hiten felt himself getting painfully hard, when repeating his actions on the right, Suzaku moaned his name loudly as he fisted the sheets.

"Hiten…" the redhead called out. His lover was blanketing him and each subtle movement they made teased Suzaku's bourgeoning erection. He wanted Hiten's mouth on his cock, flicking his tongue on all the right places and sucking him dry when he finally came.

As if sensing his lover's desire, Hiten tenderly kissed his way down Suzaku's torso, pausing briefly to tongue his angel's navel before continuing down the smooth, pale flesh to the prize. They shifted so that Hiten could rest comfortably between Suzaku's parted thighs. Taking the redhead's cock in his hand, the brunet pulled it forward just enough so that he could engulf it in his mouth. Hiten suckled him, bobbing his head up and down as he teased his angel's tight entrance with his fingers. He would occasionally flick his tongue across the redhead's cock, tonguing the tiny opening in the tip, before going back to just suckling.

Hiten's actions were having the net effect of making Suzaku mad with desire. Ignoring the pain in his ankle they way he ignored the "company" in his head, the redhead struggled to get his feet planted firmly on the bed so that he could lift his hips up. Just when he thought he was going spew his hot essences all over Hiten's mouth, the brunet abruptly stopped and pulled away.

"I want us to cum together," Hiten said as he got off the bed and hurried to get out of his clothes. "Okay?"

Hiking himself up on his elbows, Suzaku silently nodded as he watched his lover undress. He smiled, not wanting to giggle and possibly hurt the other man's feeling, but Hiten looked funny as he fought to untangle his arms form his dress shirt. Finally freeing himself, the brunet reached for the drawer where they kept the lube. Suzaku continued watching his lover squirt some lube on his fingertips, and rubbing his thumb across them, he heated the cold substance up. Minutes later, his lover's fingers were deep inside him, stretching the tight ring of muscle before being replaced by Hiten's cock.

Hiten moaned as he entered his angel. The redhead felt virginal as his body gripped the brunet cock. In and out and in and out, Hiten slowly built his rhythm. His precious angel felt too good to hurry, and judging by the soft mewling sounds his lover made as the made lover, the brunet knew he was enjoying it too. Balancing himself just above Suzaku, Hiten would sometimes let their bodies touch and he loved the feel of the redhead's cock as it twitched beneath him.

Closer and closer they inched towards their climax, the little waves of pleasure running down their spines to gather in their cocks. Despite the mind numbing intensity, Hiten held back as he waited for a sign his angel was ready to cum, and getting it, he increased his rhythm, pushing them both over the edge. Screwing his eyes closed, Hiten came with a loud groan, as Suzaku spewed his hot essence between them. He buried his face in the crock of his precious angel's neck as Suzaku wrapped his arms around neck, holding him tight, while they came down from their sexual high. Afraid he was crushing him beneath his weight, Hiten wormed his arms around the redhead, carefully rolling them onto their sides. They kissed.

"Damn, that was good…" Hiten murmured softly as he nuzzled Suzaku's cheek.

"Yeah…" the delicate redhead replied as he ignored the cries of _whore_ and _slut_ the voices in his head threw at him. They swore up and down that Hiten was merely using him to satisfy his own needs, hoping to spoil the moment by planting the seeds of doubt in the redhead's heart. Tuning them out, Suzaku focused on the one thing that always drowned them out. _Springtime…_And when Hiten left to return with a warm washcloth and towel to clean him off with, the redhead was finally beginning to feel as though he actually loved him. That Hiten's declarations were real and he meant every word of it. He sighed softly.

"Ankle still hurting?"

Suzaku nodded.

"I've got just the thing," Hiten said as he took away the dirty towels. "It helped me a lot when I was playing football. You'd get the odd injury or two…" he trailed off as he headed into the bathroom. The brunet returned a few minutes later, with an ACE bandage in hand. After sitting down next to his angel's hurt ankle, Hiten started to carefully wrap the compression badge around it. "Let me know if it's too tight, cuz that's not good. It's mainly for support until it heals."

"Okay…" The delicate redhead sighed. Suzaku loved the gentle attention he was getting from his lover; it was very sweet and made him feel cherished by the brunet in a way he had never felt before. When he was finished, Hiten helped his angel under the covers, before getting into bed with him and spooning in behind him.

Skin to skin, the pair of lovers drifted off to sleep. Several hours later, Hiten was awakened by the sound of a persistent beeping. Half asleep, he reached across his angel for the alarm clock, only to realize as he surfaced from his dream Suzaku did not have one. The brunet jolted awake. "Shit!" he swore, sitting up in bed and looking around at the darkness. Getting out of bed, he felt for his clothes, and finding them, he grabbed his pants. Jamming a foot into each leg, he quickly pulled them on. "Suzaku!! Get up!! Now!!"

The delicate redhead looked up at him, bleary eyed. "Hunh?"

"Get up!!" Hiten roughly shook him. "I forget I left the roast in the oven and it's probably burned to shit!!"

"So…?" Suzaku struggled to wake up as he watched his lover dig through his dresser drawers. "What's that noise?"

"The smoke alarm! You need to get dressed; the fire department is coming!!" Hiten hurried over to the bed. "Let's go!" He knelt, holding out the silk pajama bottoms for his angel to step into. "Move it, Su-chan!!"

Fear kept the redhead frozen in bed.

_Oh gods, no!!_ Hiten thought as he struggled to dress him. If the possibility of a real fire was not a scary one, the brunet would have found the whole thing laughable. It took several minutes of rolling the redhead from side to side as he inched the bottoms on before he simply gave up and wrapped him in a blanket as sirens blared outside.

Everything seemed to happen in a slow-motion blur. Somehow they made it safely down the stairs and outside as the fire men poured into their home, fire hoses at the ready. By now they had attracted the curiosity of the neighbors and Hiten gratefully slipped inside the ambulance that pulled up. Only there did he let go of his precious angel, so that they could be looked over by the emergency technicians. But that started a round of questioning about Suzaku's condition; the poor thing had seemed to freeze in fear and it had the brunet wishing their home had burned down, instead of the stupid roast merely creating a terrible smoke condition.

And then a miracle happened. Suzaku seemed to come back to himself, little by little.

"You burnt our dinner…" he said softly.

"Yeah…"

The redhead eyed the paramedics warily. "I want to go home, Hiten… please."

"We are home, Su-chan… we just can't go inside until they tell us we can."

"Oh…"

When the paramedic started to fuss over him, Suzaku said, "I'm fine… Hiten…"

"He just had a shock. His home burned down when he was five," Hiten lied to emergency technician. "You know bad memories…"

The paramedic looked as though he did not believe him, but he let them go after one of the firemen told them it was safe to go back inside. Picking his beloved up, Hiten carried him back inside as the crowds and fire personnel began to disperse. After settling Suzaku on the sofa, Hiten went into the kitchen to survey the damage. He sighed softly at the ruined roasting pan and oven, and looking up; he noticed soot covering the ceiling just above the stove._ Nothing that can't be replaced and cleaned…_ He left the kitchen and headed back towards the living room.

"Hiten…"

"What?'

"I was thinking…" Suzaku looked shyly up at him.

"What?"

"I'd like a strawberry milkshake, please…"

"Okay…"_ Thank goodness you're going to be alright… I can't believe I was that stupid…_

"Don't be sad, Hiten, I'm not mad or anything… But I don't want to send those stupid back… Maybe you can help me write a note so Ja-chan won't be upset and get mad at me…?"

"Sure… let's get dressed and get those shakes, okay."

Suzaku smiled. "Okay…"

"Wait here; I'll bring you something in a minute."

The delicate redhead nodded as he watched his lover hurry back upstairs. He sighed. A few minutes later, his lover returned, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, Suzaku's favorite t-shirt in hand. "Here, catch!" Hiten tossed it to him.

Once he was dressed, Suzaku found himself just wanting to stay home. "Hi-chan…?

The brunet grinned cockily. "Fine, I'll go make them instead. But first that kitchen's going to need a thorough cleaning." He handed his angel another pillow.

"Okay…"

Nodding in reply, Hiten went back to the kitchen. He walked to the sink, and looking in the cabinet beneath it, he surveyed their cleaning products. _This is going to take me forever…_ Groaning softly, he grabbed a pair of rubber gloves and set to work cleaning all the surfaces he could easily reach.

Suzaku waited patiently in the living room. He clutched the pillow his beloved had given him as he steadfastly refused to believe the voices in his head. They were loudly insisting his lover had left him in the lurch, alone, hungry and injured with no one to care for him. One particularly loud voice was insisting that Suzaku was so pathetic a human being that he should just up and die because it was painfully obvious Hiten was gone for good.

"No…" he wailed softly, gripping the pillow tightly to his chest. "He's not gone!!"

Unable to stand the cacophony in his head any longer, Suzaku decided to prove them wrong. He slowly swung his legs off the couch onto the floor. Painfully getting to his feet, the delicate redhead slowly limped towards the kitchen. The sight that greeted him upon reaching it shut the voices up. There was Hiten, washing the soot off the blender so that he could use it. The counter top looked pretty clean too. In fact, it looked better than when they had moved in. The only sign there had ever been a fire in the kitchen was the soot that still clung to the ceiling.

_See? I told you he loves me!_ That had the effect of shutting the voices up. The redhead stood there, ignoring the pain in his ankle, as he watched his lover set up the blender for use.

When Hiten turned to go get the strawberry ice cream and milk from the fridge, he was startled to find his beloved angel standing there. "I thought I told you to stay put."

"You did, but I…" Suzaku trailed off softly.

"Missed me, hunh?"

"Yeah…"

"Go sit down at the table." Hiten said as he took out not only the ice cream and milk, but the pint of strawberries and can of whipped cream. He set that on the counter, and grabbing a handful of strawberries, he washed them in the sink, placing them on a paper towel to dry off while he took the package of little sponge cakes out of the cabinet. A few minutes later, he set a plate with a strawberry shortcake on it and a fork in front of the redhead. "Enjoy."

"Thank you…" Suzaku picked up the fork, and took a bite. It was pure strawberry bliss, the way he liked it. "It's good, Hi-chan…"

"Thanks," the brunet replied as he began to scoop ice cream into the blender. That was followed by some milk and a couple of handfuls of cut up strawberries. After putting the top on, Hiten started the blender.

Suzaku, wincing, hated the noise it made. The sound hurt his ears, and it always seemed to rile up the voices in his head. Dropping the fork, he covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes.

Five minutes later, and the shakes were ready. Hiten brought them over to the table._ This is why I told you to stay put…_ After setting the glasses down, he sat and leaned over to gently take his beloved's hands in his. "Su-chan…? I'm finished."

The delicate redhead slowly opened his eyes and visibly relaxed. "Yeah?"

"Yup. Why don't you finish eating and then we can take the shakes into the living room. Maybe we can watch TV before we go up to bed, or maybe not, your choice. Afterwards, I'll draw a bath for you and help you, and we'll rewrap your ankle, okay."

Suzaku nodded, he loved the soft timber of Hiten's voice; it made him feel safe and loved and it most of all, it was a very comforting sound. So he simply sat there, listening to his lover ramble on while he fed him like a child. Before he was even aware that it happened, Hiten had scooped him up in his arms and was carrying him back into the living room.

"Stay put this time; I'll be right back with the shakes."

"Okay…"

Chuckling softly, Hiten placed a tender kiss on his precious angel's forehead, before hurrying back to the kitchen for their strawberry treats. He returned a few minutes later, a tray in hand with their shakes on it. Setting is down on the coffee table, Hiten sat next to his angel. He reached for their shakes, and as Suzaku enjoyed the cold frosty treat, he put an arm around him, pulling him close. They cuddled, enjoying the physical closeness and when his precious angel finished his shake, Hiten simply exchanged his beloved's empty glass for his full one.

Hiten rested his cheek on top of Suzaku's head, chuckling inwardly at the muffled sound of his slurping. He let his mind wander, thinking about his precious' lips sucking on something other than a straw, not that it would ever really happen, as Suzaku balked at the idea of ever pleasuring Hiten orally, and he had become so upset the one and only time he ever suggested it, that it remained in the realm of the brunet's fantasies. Feeling tired and drained from the evening's events, Hiten was content to simply "be the moment" anyway. All too soon he would be carrying his precious angel upstairs to his bedroom, where he would leave him there while he went to draw a bath for him. That would be followed by toweling him off, and dressing him like a child, before tucking him into bed. Only this time Hiten planned on sleeping with him. It was a break in their routine, but he had the feeling it would be a welcome one. When Suzaku looked up at him and smiled his beautiful and shy smile, Hiten kissed him, knowing this was one time his precious angel would welcome the change as well.


End file.
